From parodies

Genesis 29 by Jane Austen

Chapter 1 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man on the run from his kin must be in want of a couple of wives.   “My dear Mr Laban,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that the shepherd shed is let at last?” Mr Laban made no answer. This was encouragement enough for Mrs Laban to inform him that a young man of large fortune from the region of Canaan had come up last week to see the shed and had been so much delighted with it that he was to take possession of…

You May Have Worn The Prom Dress With Him, But I Get To Tear Out His Liver With My Own Two Hands And Burn It As A Pleasant Sacrifice To The Gods

High school feels like the best time of your life while you’re there. It’s easy to think that whatever you experience during those magical years will last forever. When you finally meet your true love in your senior year, it seems meant-to-be. You are entirely sure that this is the man you will spend your life with.   I don’t blame you for having felt like that, but for most people such dreams just don’t last. They certainly didn’t last for you. Eventually, you broke up with him and now you get to watch as another woman ties the man…