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Social Distancing Tips with Disney Heroes

The Little Mermaid The Little Mermaid: I wanna be where the people are— The WHO, assorted world leaders: First of all, no Beauty and the Beast Lumiere: Be our guest, be our guest Put our service to the test Tie your napkin ’round your neck, cherie And we provide the rest… The WHO, assorted world leaders: Hard no Frozen Elsa: It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all… The WHO, assorted world leaders: First of… actually… good job The Hunchback of Notre Dame Quasimodo: No face…

It’s My Home Isolation And I’ll Dance If I Want To

I’m not enjoying this whole social distancing lark. It somehow manages to be both boring and stressful, doesn’t it? It’s a little bit lonely, there’s not quite enough to do, and one easily ends up scrolling endlessly through news about the escalating spread of the virus. Fortunately, there are people out there who want you to stay sane and fulfilled, as well as indoors. Cultural institutions across the world, many of them temporarily closed down, have taken to the internet and made fantastic selections of concerts, ballets, operas, and films available to you at home—and many of them are free.…

Harry Potter And The Adults Who Took Half A Second To Think Before They Acted

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone Interviewing for a new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, as they do every year, the Hogwarts hiring committee are unimpressed with an overly nervous candidate who seems unusually afraid of his own subject area. His turban smells of dead things. Already fighting a losing battle with one of their tenured professors about hygiene and self-presentation, the committee unanimously decide not to hire Quirrell. Meanwhile, Dumbledore is aware that the Philosopher’s Stone might be at risk. Instead of hiding it in a school full of kids, he has a chat with his old friend,…

Game of Thrones recap from a human who has never watched any Game of Thrones

I needed to feel involved so I wrote this series recap to help everybody catch up in time for the new season.   There is this world with nine kingdoms. Maybe five. Seven? It’s definitely an odd number. Each of them has a throne, which is how there can be a game of thrones, but at the same time there is also a throne that is better than the other thrones, and everybody wants it. A few people have serious, patriarchal beards as well as complicated codes of honour when it comes to throne snatching. Most do not.   Some…

A conventual drag

Last night, I had an epiphany: I suddenly noticed just how well the names of female, medieval saints double as drag names, and I knew I had to share that important insight with you as soon as possible.   “Sure,” you might say, “You were unable to fall asleep yesterday, weren’t you? At some point you hit the critical mass of insomnia-induced grogginess and that’s when this started seeming like a good idea.”   Well, yes.   Still – hear me out. Cast your mind towards the hallowed halls of your local gay club. (Actually, that probably closed down recently. It’s…

Getting the girl: six strategies from the playbook of a biblical pickup artist

1. Never even say a word to her She’s probably married anyway. Still, there’s no denying that she looks pretty hot. I can’t think of any reason whatsoever why the two of you shouldn’t enjoy some sexy time together. “Late one afternoon, when David rose from his couch and was walking about on the roof of the king’s house, he saw from the roof a woman bathing; the woman was very beautiful. David sent someone to inquire about the woman. It was reported, ‘This is Bathsheba daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite.’ So David sent messengers to get her, and she…

Welcome!

I’m building a shed!   It took me a full year of woodshop classes to produce a rickety birdhouse, so this time I’ve decided on a virtual shed – one I can build without ever having to pick up a plane or a drill. The Shed will be a place where I can saw theology, popular culture and feminism into pieces and then attempt to glue them back together again. You are welcome at the workbench too: Maybe you’ve built a theological birdhouse or a wooden relief of a contemporary, feminist issue, and you are looking for somewhere to display…