Tagged #bible

Getting the girl: six strategies from the playbook of a biblical pickup artist

1. Never even say a word to her She’s probably married anyway. Still, there’s no denying that she looks pretty hot. I can’t think of any reason whatsoever why the two of you shouldn’t enjoy some sexy time together. “Late one afternoon, when David rose from his couch and was walking about on the roof of the king’s house, he saw from the roof a woman bathing; the woman was very beautiful. David sent someone to inquire about the woman. It was reported, ‘This is Bathsheba daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite.’ So David sent messengers to get her, and she…

The Book of Jonah by Herman Melville

Chapter 1: The Command Call me Jonah. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having had little or nothing to do with the Lord, I found myself appointed prophet. The Lord commanded me to go to the city of Nineveh, a desolate place, cursed by God and condemned to fiery doom, to call them to repentance. He gave me the task of stilling the rebellious heart of their king. It seemed an absurdly hopeless mission, and as I had money in my purse, and nothing else to interest me on shore, I thought I would flee from the face of the…